The Pen is Mightier
by elle.writes
Summary: Levi growled a little in the back of his throat and ran his hands through his hair. This was stupid. He was a man. He could face this dumb kid and get a couple lousy pens from him without making a total jerk of himself... Or so he hoped.


**Title:** The Pen is Mightier

 **Author:** ELLE

 **Pairings/Warnings:** Eren/Levi, modern day office AU, Levi is a little OOC in my opinion but it's also an AU so you know work with me here, pretty much PWP but I can't do that so there is a bit of a plot

 **Notes:** This is for the Ereri Secret Santa and HO BOY this is not the kind of thing I typically write? So I hope it is actually funny and enjoyable I probably should've picked one of rosesintea's other prompts but I mean awkward boners come on? Also this is somewhat inspired by real events though I'm assuming they were not quite as... 'exciting' as these. ;-)

* * *

If there was anything anyone could say about Levi that was true beyond a doubt, it was that he was fastidious. He wasn't OCD, at least he had never been diagnosed, but everything had it's own place and he liked things to be where they were supposed to be. And he really didn't see what was so strange about that or why everyone loved to fuck with him about it. But here he was, sitting at his desk without a single fucking pen anywhere. Not on the keyboard, not in the little cup holder on the left next to the coaster with Pixis, Smith, and Associates' logo printed on it, not in the fucking plastic organizer in the back of the top drawer where he specifically hid them from the pen thief.

He'd been dealing with two weeks of this bullshit and frankly the worst part was that he was being driven over and over to the desk of the new, young, reasonably attractive office manager and the kid was starting to get pissed. And hell, Levi didn't blame him. Levi was pissed too. It was ridiculous. He strongly suspected Hanji had something to do with it, but fuck if she would admit it.

Though as he stared at the keyboard in frustration he didn't see how. He came in earlier than her and left later. She had to have twisted the arm of one of her army of interns or something.

Levi drummed his fingers on the desk for a minute. It was stupid but he didn't really want to go to the supply room and face Eren. He was starting to get... aggressive. It was one thing when it was Erwin he was getting lectured by – there was some kind of perversion you could sympathize with, kinda, at least his name was on the building. But... Eren? He was what – twenty-two? _Maybe_? What was his salary? Thirty-five k _tops_? The only power he wielded was as the gatekeeper to a horde of pens and the number for the copier repair man and that was – that was _pathetic_.

On his part, anyway. Levi wasn't one to judge someone over how instrumental their job may or may not seem. After all, Levi was showing up at his little counter day after day now so clearly he was an important part of the company but –

Fuck.

Levi growled a little in the back of his throat and ran his hands through his hair. This was _stupid_. He was a _man_. He could face this dumb kid and get a couple lousy pens from him without making a total ass of himself.

Or so he hoped.

But eventually, he knew, Eren would notice.

Yet the idea of having to buy his own pens only to have them stolen day after day made him angry enough that he immediately stood and paced down the row of desks to the supply room. Thankfully it was situated down the hall near the front desk where the mail was dropped off so at least he didn't have an audience on his daily mission to procure more pens but still. He was pretty sure he had been down that hall more in the past two weeks than he had his entire two years with the firm.

The supply room was pretty much a glorified closet replete with cabinets and a door that was split horizontally through the center so Eren could hand things over to people without them going in and helping themselves to all the post it notes and reams of 24 lb they could carry. It was surprisingly easy for Eren to disappear in there though, if he was digging through cabinets, and at first Levi thought perhaps Eren wasn't there – meaning that he could just leave a note in his basket with his request and avoid a confrontation.

But then Eren leaned back from the cabinets on the far side and caught his eye and Levi knew instantly that he was screwed. Immediately Eren's easy going smile fell into a frown and his brows knit together in obvious aggravation. As if Levi had a fucking choice.

Levi tried to calm himself. He could feel the blood rushing in his veins, hear it in his ears, and he knew that didn't bode well for him but fuck – he was here now, he wasn't going to turn tail and run. He could control this.

"Let me guess," Eren started before he'd even made it all the way to the counter. "You need a pen."

Levi cleared his throat and tried to act casual but there was that little bite in Eren's voice, that snap of anger and oh God help him...

"Unfortunately," Levi admitted, trying to keep his voice smooth – but apparently Eren thought he was trying to be 'cute.'

He folded his arms across his chest and pinned Levi with a 'look.' Levi swallowed and tried not to imagine what was coming.

"Do you get off on this?" he asked and Levi didn't understand why he had to phrase it like _that_. "Is this some kind of joke to you?"

"Come on," Levi heard himself say and he hated every fucking word – he sounded like he was begging. "It's just a pen."

"Just a pen?" Eren shifted his weight as if he were settling in and yeah, Levi knew he was fucked. "Do you know how much these pens cost? If you spent any time actually writing with them, you would know they are a superior product. These aren't some stick bics from a Staples catalog. Mister Pixis is old school, he takes writing utensils seriously. Do you know what else he takes seriously?"

Levi couldn't believe it. He knew this little shit was going to snap someday, but here he was, lecturing him about the quality of the pens that were being _stolen_ from him? He could feel the sweat start at the small of his back, each hard word from Eren's lips making him uncomfortably hot in the increasingly narrowing hallway.

And yes he felt _it_ poking it's unwelcomed way up his thigh.

' _I'm sure you will enlighten me_ ,' Levi thought as he ground his teeth together, trying to keep his cool and utterly failing.

"Employee theft," Eren continued, voice somehow becoming even more snippy.

Levi groaned. And he was pretty sure it wasn't only in his head.

"Up until this point, I haven't reported you. _But_ ," Eren threatened, moving forward and leaning over the half door that separated them so he could get even more 'in his face.' "I have been keeping a detailed log of every time you've come here and exactly how many pens I have given you and I'll have you know that so far you've accumulated nearly forty dollars worth of pens."

Levi swallowed. This was torture. This was hell. Finally, his time had come and God decided to utterly fuck him. His list of offenses was long. Too many cigarettes, too much gay sex. Once he bought alcohol for minors who were just hanging around outside a gas station. Couldn't even count the number of times he took the lord's name in vain.

Because there it was. A full blown fucking erection he couldn't even adjust because Eren was standing two fucking feet from him and fuck – like he wasn't going to notice _that_.

Now – Levi had known about this particular kink of his ever since he got chewed out by a teacher for skipping class freshman year. He thought, maybe it was just a random boner, maybe it had to do with the teacher-student dynamic, maybe it was just a thing he had to try harder to stop...

But no. There was a pattern. And every time a reasonably attractive man started to lay into him about literally _anything_ – apparently even pens for fuck's sake – it was bound to happen. Something about having all that attention trained on him, all that focused energy and anger – _fuck_. It made him hot. And all he could do was stare blankly at Eren's lips, not even hearing what he was saying any more, and pray they would stop soon so he could beat a retreat.

"And I know you're some big shot around here with your own office, so maybe forty dollars doesn't matter to you," Eren spit out as a flush crept up Levi's neck that had nothing to do with embarrassment. "But I'm not like the girl who was here before – I take shrink seriously. And I'll have you know –"

Eren had stopped talking, but his lips were parted just slightly and it was the only thing Levi could focus on. His heart rate was way too fast and his brain way too muddled for much else.

"Holy shit – you _do_ get off on this."

That snapped Levi back to reality as effectively as being doused in cold water and he sputtered out an alarmed "no!" because he did not, in fact, 'get off' on petty theft. He was the fucking victim here!

Then a wicked smirk skipped across Eren's face as he opened the half door, beckoning Levi into the supply room with a quick twitch of his brows. Levi, shocked and horrified and thoroughly humiliated, moved forward not entirely of his own volition but merely because he didn't have enough brain power to do otherwise.

Eren leaned past him, shutting both halves of the door fully and locking it and maybe, had he been more lucid, Levi might have felt somewhat afraid, like what the hell was this kid doing locking him in here? But he wasn't scared of Eren and he clearly wasn't thinking and as soon as the lock clicked into place Eren, still leaning into his space, said –

"You fucking lawyers, so goddamn full of yourselves, think you can get away with anything you want."

His voice was a low hiss so as not to be overheard and Levi literally moaned. He didn't mean to and really, it was just a little moan, barely an exhalation from his lips but – oh god, it was too embarrassing to even contemplate. Levi could see Eren's smirk, just barely as he backed him into the door. What the fuck kind of interrogation was this?

"It pisses you off, doesn't it?" Eren growled, tilting his chin up as he looked down on Levi, normally accustomed to his unfortunate height differential but feeling it in the worst way now. "That you have to _come_ to me."

As he said the word 'come' Eren placed his hand on the inside of Levi's thigh, deliberately avoiding touching anything but fuck if it mattered – the back of Levi's head hit the door as he closed his eyes, holding a breath so hard in his chest that it hurt. What the fuck was this? It sure as _hell_ wasn't an interrogation.

Then Eren's mouth was at his ear, voice very, very soft, and gentle, and he asked – "This is okay, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Levi breathed, because while he certainly had no trouble getting it when he wanted it, generally a sixty plus hour work week and a habitual routine of self-medicating with alcohol meant he rarely felt up for the task of procuring a partner.

"But – work..." he mumbled, opening his eyes and trying to straighten up as he remembered himself, trying desperately not to lean into Eren's taller, thinner form.

"There're no cameras in here, you idiot," Eren chastised under his breath as his hand slid up a little more and Levi felt a renewed rush of blood pump through his dick as it strained against expensive slacks.

He still couldn't exactly figure out what the fuck was actually happening here but Eren's hand was so so gloriously close to his dick and his wonderful mouth was at his ear, whispering obscenities, that it just didn't seem to matter. Or at least he couldn't keep a train of thought going long enough to figure out why it would.

And then Eren swiped his palm hard down Levi's dick and he wasn't thinking about much at all.

Levi closed his eyes and bit his lip, muffling a moan, and Eren sushed him condescendingly, warning him in rough tones about what would happen if anyone heard him as he simultaneously unzipped his pants.

"Fuck, can't you be quiet?" Eren muttered as he struggled to get Levi out of his pants as Levi was reduced to whimpering in a failing attempt not to make any noise. "This is _pathetic_."

Finally he was out and for a moment Levi opened his eyes again as Eren slid to his knees. He caught Eren's appreciative smirk as Levi gazed down at him from beneath half-lids. Eren really was a handsome man. Young, yeah, but still – handsome. Beautiful, even, with his wide green eyes and dark shaggy hair and that killer little grin. It was no wonder it was so effortless for him to get Levi in such a compromising position. He _was_ pathetic.

"You better be quiet now, you ass," Eren gloated and for a moment Levi wanted to reach out and touch his face but... given that he didn't really _know_ Eren, it felt wrong, and instead his hand balled into a fist and he just closed his eyes as Eren wrapped his lips around his dick.

Forget hell – this was _heaven_. All those late pro bono nights on that Saint Michael's case must've paid off with the big guy upstairs, even despite the gay sex part. Eren knew his way around a dick, that was for sure, and Levi lifted the back of his hand to his mouth to stifle the sounds he damn well _wanted_ to make.

Eren took him deep in his mouth, swallowed around his head until Levi thought he wouldn't be able to take another fucking second, and then pulled back in one magnificent stroke of suction. Levi bit into the back of his hand, could feel the sweat soaking his undershirt, knew he was going to need to change or something but _fuck_ – this was more than he could bear. He could feel Eren's fingers digging into the back of his thighs as he pulled him forward and Levi tried not to slam his hips desperately into Eren's mouth but he wanted to – damn if he didn't _want_ to.

But he didn't. Didn't grab at Eren's hair, didn't do anything that might compromise this perfect – unbelievable, but perfect – moment.

Then Eren got aggressive and Levi swallowed, hard, trying to find the words to warn him as the flat of Eren's tongue stroked along the underside of his dick. Eren seemed to know, anyway, and he took him back quickly, sucking hard until Levi's knees shook and he tried in vain to grip the smooth door behind him so as not to slide to his ass on the floor. But Eren's arms helped support Levi's weight as he came, a wash of pleasure rocking through him, all the way to his toes.

When Eren pulled away he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand but with that same self-satisfied little smirk as before, that same smug confidence. Eren stood quickly, turned towards the far end of the small room, leaving Levi to hurriedly try to put himself back together in uncomfortable flustered embarrassment.

"Do you – want...?" Levi tried, voice breaking, hating how stupid he looked but then it wasn't every day he got a blow job in a supply closet and he didn't really know what kind of reciprocation was expected.

Eren turned around as he took a swig of soda and it looked like he might laugh. "Nah – I don't really get off on getting off at work, you know."

Levi swallowed and tried to gather up the remaining tendrils of his pride – fading as they were – before fumbling from the door to get out of there before this dumb fuck kid ate him alive.

"But," Eren continued, clearly way too fucking amused for Levi's comfort, "if on Friday you want to take me to that steak place you all go to – you know, the one where they bring it out on skewers? with the epic mixed drinks? – I've never been and I think that would be sufficient turn about." He paused, suddenly seeming cautious and unsure despite how his smile widened. "Not to mention the opportunity for a more mutual round two?"

Levi was nodding his head involuntarily. Part of him was screaming not to let this guy any closer because without even trying he obliterated every defense Levi had but another part, a part he couldn't deny, told him that this was fucking it. Who cared if Eren was some silly twenty-year-old who took his job far too seriously – he'd been on dates with prominent lawyers and VPs of multimillion dollar companies that didn't unravel him like that. And even though he was acting like a fucking fool – Eren somehow found that endearing enough to suck him off and then ask for a date afterward? That – that had to be worth pursuing... right?

"There are easier ways to get a date with me than pretending someone's been stealing your pens, though," Eren confessed as he opened a drawer and pulled out two more, turning to hand them over, clearly amused.

"But –" Levi started to argue as he accepted the pens from Eren, wanting to defend the remains of his dignity with the truth...

But Eren was smiling and fuck if it wasn't beautiful. And something in Levi's chest felt funny and while he suspected it was post-orgasmic bliss and not 'butterflies' or god-fucking-forbid something as mind-numbingly stupid as a 'crush' – he didn't really care. There was no real reason to disabuse Eren of the notion that Levi liked him because... maybe he kinda did.

So he didn't say anything as he pocketed the pens but as Eren leaned across him to open the door he turned into his space, something now intimate and comforting about him after what they'd shared, and leaned his face up close to his – wanting suddenly to kiss him but knowing that it would have to wait.

"What time should I pick you up?"

Eren's smile was beatific. "Eight?"

As he walked back down the hall, hazy lust falling from him with every step, he fell back to disbelief and almost wondered if he hadn't just fantasized the whole thing. But the damp chill of his sweaty undershirt in the air conditioning betrayed otherwise and he just tried not to look at anyone as he made his way back into his office and shut the door, locking it to change shirts.

He was a little paranoid that at any minute Erwin was going to knock on the door and tell him to pack his things but he tried to push it out of his mind as he pulled open a drawer and reached for a spare undershirt.

But smack in the line of his vision as he bent down was a bundle of his missing pens wrapped up with a rubber band. A little piece of paper was stuck under the rubber band, Hanji's lilting handwriting obvious even across two simple words.

 _You're welcome._


End file.
